I want to go to.....Iceland

For years I've had a bit of an obsession with Iceland and going there is close to the top of my life list.  With the gorgeous scenery, the turf houses, the blue lagoon and the northern lights, what could be more amazing?  Don't these pictures just make it look magical?

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Amaryllis

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This winter seems to be off to a slow start, no snow and unseasonably warm but today the weather is just plain icky.  It's cold, it's overcast and rainy and I'm desperately missing the sunshine and warmth of the summer months which is why I'm so incredibly happy to recently have been gifted an Amaryllis bulb.  I planted it as soon as I got it an I'm amazed at how fast it's growing.

No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams.

 (Neruda and his Love, Matilde)

Sonnet LXXXI

And now you're mine. Rest with your dream in my dream.
Love and pain and work should all sleep, now.
The night turns on its invisible wheels,
and you are pure beside me as a sleeping amber.

Good Parts & Bad Parts

I've been sitting here trying to write this post for almost an hour, I think that probably defeats the purpose of "just write" and so now with just three minutes left before my self-imposed bedtime, I'm throwing in the towel.  I give up.  I would love to write something meaningful about my day.  Something that made this day, this Monday, different, meaningful, special... something small but something I can find significance in and today I can't.

What I can do is tell you is I talked to a friend while Lucy and I went for a long walk.  We walked for an hour and a half.  She babbled away in her stoller pausing only occasionally to exclaim "wow!" and point to the sky as a bird swoops by.  I was on the phone.  I feel guilty talking on the phone around my daughter, maybe that's strange, maybe not, but either way today I talked on the phone with my friend.  A friend I don't get to talk to often because work, children and other responsibilities tend to overide seemingly less important things, like phone calls with friends.

The Perfect Pants

With my wardrobe re-vamp in mind I recently did some good ol' online shopping and bought these fabulous new pants.  They weren't on sale, this my friends, is a big deal for me.  Virtually every article of clothing I own I bought on sale.  So this was a splurge, I got them in bright red and at first I was hesitant, I mean...can I really rock bright red pants?  They're pretty uncharacteristic of me, but when I put them on I feel pretty awesome and they're surprisingly wearable. 

 

(image via Harper's Bazaar Street Style)

Sleep

It's chilly outside, we keep the heat low, 65, but it's feels cozy and warm inside. 

Leo and Lucia are tucked into bed.  It's 10:30.  He couldn't sleep last night.  She woke up at 3:30 and didn't get back to sleep until 5 after first trying to nurse her back to sleep, then rocking her, then walking her.  He was awake and said he couldn't sleep so I slept in the guest room while he rocked and walked. 

I got up with her at 7.  She was full of excitement just like she is every morning.  I desperately would have loved another hour of sleep but her joy at the beginning of a new day is so refreshing, I can's help but come out of my morning fog and smile and tickle her belly while she giggles and roars like a tiger. 

He finally fell asleep.  At 9:30 I brought her back to bed for her morning nap.  She woke up when the street cleaner went by.  From the living room I could hear him shush her back to sleep. 

Our lives revolve around sleep....who's getting it, who isn't, who needs more and how to get it.  Move the crib, move the mattress, walk, shush, rock, nurse.

I already drank coffee and am contemplating a second cup knowing that I'm up for the day.  The day has begun and in fact I'm happy to be up, to sit quietly, listen to cars whoosh past in the rain and hum of the refridgerator.  A break. 

Linked up with Just Write.

Bill Cunningham's New York

My parents are fanatical New York Times readers.  They live in an area where you can't get it delivered so they buy it every single day without fail.  When they were in the Peace Corps in the 70s my grandmother would mail the Sunday editions to them.  When lived in Indiana also in the 70s, my grandmother would mail them the daily editions.  On any given evening you can fnd my parents listening to folk music, drinking red wine and sitting in their living room reading The Times.  As an adult this sounds rather appealing, as a child not so much.  Then at about age 8 I began finding the newspaper interesting, particularly the styles section.  Each week I would read about glamourous New York with total fascination.  My mother and I would also have elaborate discussions about the weddings and of course, Bill Cunningham's On the Street.

Yum!

In my family I'm always in charge of Thanksgiving dessert. This year I'm making this Chocolate-Cranberry Tart in addition to a traditional pumpkin pie. So excited to spend time with family and stuff myself with turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes with little marshmallows and dessert of course!

Our Present

He's next to me on the couch hunched over his computer, working. Periodically he looks up reads a part of his writing in English and asks, eso suena bien? I say yes, he goes back to typing. Books and toys are strewn across the living room, I'll put them in the woven basket marked with her name before I head to bed. He rubs my feet through the woven blanket. When I look at him I'm amazed.

Amazed by his strength and dedication. He was worked so hard physically, mentally, emotionally so that we can sit on this couch together, so that we can be here, in this simple moment.
I wonder how we got here. Fate? Destiny? Choice? Hardwork? Sacrifice? Love?

Maybe it's all of those things.

Maybe it's none of them.

Maybe we got here because it was our way, the only way and this is our present.


Linked up with Just Write.

A Treehouse in Brooklyn

How fantastic is this?

Roses for Lips

 

How have I never used this stuff before?  I bought this Minted Rose Lip Balm from Sephora the other day and now I can't stop using it.  It smells lovely, floral with a touch of mint and makes my lips oh so soft.

Company is Coming!

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I'm making my go-to recipe for dinner, boeuf bourguignon. I've made the classic Julia Child version couple times and I love it. This time I decided to try Ina Garten's recipe primarily because there is cognac in it that you light on fire to cook off the alcohol and I'm a sucker for any recipe that has fire involved. I'd love to hear, do you have a go-to recipe for company?

Madrid

Matt Lauer is in Madrid.  I went to Madrid once.  I was young, 21.  I remember walking the streets in awe.  In awe of the differences and self-concious about my own lack of worldliness.  How I wish I had been able to let that self-conciousness go and that I had been able to simply enjoy the sights and sounds and experience.  With age comes a bit more confidence, but there are times with my daughter when I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.  Sometimes I find myself wondering what kind of mother I'll be.  Then I remind myself I already am a mother and the kind of mother I will be when she is 5 or 10 or 15 or 20 or 30 is the same kind of mother I am now....I think. 

She has a stuffy nose should I be giving her saline drops eventhough the bottle says not for children under two?  What about those saline wipes are those ok?

I let her play with the vegetables on the kitchen floor when we come home from the co-op, should I not? 

She sleeps with us at night and for every nap, she's happy but am I not teaching her how to be independent? 

She doesn't say any words yet, am I not correctly teaching her both languages?  Does she not hear one of them enough? 

She has the brightest smile. 
She sparkles. 
She loves bananas and playing "monstro" with her Papi. 

She learned how to turn on the music in her room yesterday morning and everytime since then when she goes in her room she immediately turns it on and starts clapping and bobbing her head.  She gets so excited and lets out high-pitched shrieks.  I can't help but stop what I'm doing and smile from ear to ear and clap and bob along with her....

that's the kind of mother I am. 


Linked up with Just Write. 

Date Night

 

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Saturday night Esposo and I went out to dinner for the first time in 6 months.  My parents came and watched chickadee while we snuck out for a late leisurely dinner.  It was wonderful, we chatted, drank wine and held hands.  I only wish we could do it more often. 

Ooooooh Glitter!

I'm not typically one who goes for much bling.  Shiny, sparkly things have never really felt quite right for me.  For my nails I pretty much stick with pale pink or classic red but then the other day I came across this lovely picture and I was smitten. It's such a lovely twist on my go to pale pink.

 

I had to try myself.  I used Petal Pink by Essie with Only Gold for Me by OPI from Sephora.  I think I'm in love with this combo, turns out maybe I do like a bit of bling after all. 

Ok so my picture taking skills clearly don't capture the loveliness of my nails but either way I'm smitten and I just may be rockin' the glitter on a regular basis. 

A return from La-La Land & Happy Halloween!

We've been off in la-la land.  Always a fun place.  We're back, please forgive us for our brief departure :).

Chickadee's first Halloween was so sweet.  She hung out with me while we handed out candy to a million treat-or-treaters (yes, there were definitely a million... I counted).  She would shyly smile at everyone all dressed in their costumes.  She seriously was the cutest chunky monkey ever, I just couldn't get over her adorableness.  Here are some pics for you to coo over as well. 

(cutest monkey ever right? although I'm thinking maybe she should have held onto some bananas because she's looking mighty mouselike.  oh well still the cutest critter ever.)

Red Lipstick

So recently I've been thinking that my style is pretty stale - often fluctuating between a adolescent girl from the 90's and a frumpy middle aged woman.  Post-baby my old clothes aren't too big or too tight they just fit different, so maybe I need to spend some time going through old clothes, chucking what doesn't work anymore and investing in some new clothes I actually like and didn't just buy because they were on sale.  In addition to working on my clothes situation, I'd think I'd like to try wearing lipstick, some red lipstick, I just want to look like me, but with pretty red lips.

Do you wear lipstick?  I don't, well at least not daily, maybe for a date with Esposo but it's really light and I usually lean more towards a stain or a lipgloss.  When I put on lipstick I usually wind up feeling like a clown or waaay overdressed for daily life.  For my wedding my good friend who's far more fashionable than I kept insisting that I put on more lipstick and I thought she was crazy but I listened to her anyway and when I look back at the pictures I don't look like a clown, I just look like me with pretty red lips.

Unplugged

The TV is on.  I'm not watching it.  I like the noise.  I won't let chickadee watch TV, not that she really tries, but I won't even turn it on when she's awake.  When she goes to bed.  I cook.  We eat dinner, chicken tikka marsala.  We plug in.  TV.  Computer.  Phones.  Baby monitor.  The room glows.  I turn the TV off.  It's too much.  I turn off my phone.  I write.

My brain is overloaded.  My legs are tired.  I ran today.  I've been running more or at least I'm trying to.  Esposo is washing the dishes.  I hardly ever do all the dishes.  I leave the silverware until the end.  And then don't wash them because I forget, or I don't want to because dirty silverware is gross, all those little bits of food stuck in there, yuck.  I wait for someone else to wash them.  Someone else being my husband.  In the meantime I just keep washing the same fork and spoon over and over again.  That's also kind of gross.  So yes I ran.  My skin is salty, covered in dried sweat, I have crazy hair and my legs, they're tired, but that good kind of tired.  The I-worked-hard-and-used-my-body kind of tired.  The blanket my grandma knitted for me it wrapped around me.  She made a red foot pocket in it just for me.  Foot pockets are genius.  I highly recommend them besides grandma blankets make everything better.  They make me feel cozy and loved and relaxed and good tired.  Tired and ready to crawl into bed between Esposo and Chickadee and sleep. 

And she wakes up. 
 

This is my sixth post for Just Write. You can see my other posts, here, here, here, here and here.

Floating Mediation Room

Way back when I lived in the city I use to mediate daily, it centered me in a way that nothing else ever really has.  Most days I would just meditate on my bed for 20 minutes in the morning first thing after I woke up, but twice a week after work I would go the zendo.  It was on a side street close to union square where I would sit in silence with a community of strangers, the stillness only occasionally broken by the sound of the traffic rushing below.  Each time I left the zendo I would feel a sense of calmness and rejuvenation.  After leaving the city I tried going to several meditation centers but none really felt right, I don't really know what felt wrong, but they just didn't work for me.  I would try to do longer sits by myself, but it didn't feel the same, the physical space just didn't feel right, too small, too closed, too cluttered.  Recently I've been thinking more and more about starting to practice mediation again, whether that be at a center or setting aside some space in my home that truly feels clutterless and open, I think my mind needs some space to breathe.  Today I came across this Floating Tea House, can you imagine having this type of space in your backyard?  It looks like the most amazing space to meditate, no distractions, calm, inviting and open.

(photos via Arch Daily)

Oh really it's Wednesday?

I'm late. I have a tendency to be late. To procrastinate. I put things off. I have a long list things I have put off- wedding presents unsent, emails from dear friends that I haven't returned, DIY projects that just wait, a resume that desperately needs updating. I would like to blame this on being a new mom but I know that isn't really me being honest with myself. The reality is that I've always been this way. I remember not being able to go a pizza party in the 5th grade which had been a reward for kids who read 6 or more books during the school year, the sad part is I was total book nerd and read way more than 6 books but I didn't have my parents sign the form for each book I read and I don't know why. Laziness? Lack of motivation? Apathy? I was this way throughout high school and college. I've always been the person up all night, last minute type person. Ugh! This needs to change. It will change. But for now I'm being present. It's Wednesday not Tuesday.
Deep breath.
Wednesday....
A long walk.
A short run.
Thrifting.
Library.
Bank.
A bagel with salmon cream cheese.
Coffee.
Extensive peek-a-boo.
Dinner.
Bath.
TV.

Boo-boos, hugs, first time eating chicken sausage, practice walking, giggles, books, cuddles, kisses.

An ordinary day.

A happy day.

A Wednesday, not Tuesday.


Linked up with Just Write.

DIY Dresser turned Kitchen Island

Have you ever seen a DIY dresser turned kitchen island? I certainly hadn't until I started looking for a island to help create some much needed work/storage space and I quickly found out that kitchen islands aren't cheap. That's when I knew I had to think creatively and after some googling I found some lovely examples of dressers converted into kitchen islands.

Wrong Turn

I took a wrong turn today. She fell asleep when I was about to turn into my parent's driveway, so drove past and continued on.

Drove past my childhood friend's home, past the dam I used to run to, past horse barns, past a place where they sell maple syrup.

The weather is perfect, crisp, sunny. Chickadee is asleep in the back. Florence and the Machine coming through the speakers.

I take a left on a gravel road, I recognize the name of the road and I wonder if I know where I am or how to get back.

The road is rocky, there are no houses, no signs. I keep driving.

A creek runs down the middle of the road, she's still asleep and there is no way to turn around. There is no one around to ask directions.

I keep driving, knowing that even if I don't know exactly where I am at this very moment, I've already picked a direction and if I keep going I'll find myself exactly where I need to be.

And I did.

And I will.


This is my fourth post for Just Write. You can see my other posts, here, here and here.

Oh Sunday....

Sunday always comes too soon especially after one of the most relaxing and rejuvenating weekends I've had in a long time.  Two of my closest friends came to visit - we chatted, played with Lucia, drank tea, walked, cooked, ate, drank wine and overall had such lovely weekend.  It makes me wish they lived so much closer but I am so grateful to have them as friends.

I was also so happy to have some time to cook.  Cooking is something I've loved since I was little when I used to spend time in the kitchen with my mother stirring pancake batter, kneading dough and making special dinners like dumplings or homemade pasta.  In college the margins of my notebooks were often filled with ingredient lists and dinner ideas (yes in college I actually cooked dinner for myself and my then boyfriend about 6 nights a week often following Bon Appetite recipes - fortunately he did the dishes).  After college and in grad school I loved nothing more than inviting friends over for dinner and spending the week prior lost in thought on my hour long subway rides into work, mulling over recipes and menus.  Unfortunately I feel like since my pregnancy (I was nauseous and exhausted for a loooong time) and then the busy-ness (yes I know that's not a word, but I'm using it anyways damn-it) that accompanied the arrival of my darling chickdee made leisurely cooking dinner with a glass of wine in hand become an absolute luxury.  This weekend was the first time in many months when I was able to do that and it made me oh so happy. 

So what did I cook?  Since I was cooking for a veggie and a meat lover (ie Esposo) plus a baby and knowing it would be the first true fall weekend (crisp weather in the 60s) I wanted to make comfort type foods with in-season veggies that would use the oven and warm up the house.  Here's what's I went with.

Saturday Lunch:
I had to try the Roasted Tomato Soup with Broiled Cheddar by Smitten Kitchen that has been making the rounds on the blogs.  Seriously you have to make it, it was the perfect choice for a rainy fall day.


(via Smitten Kitchen)

Saturday Dinner:

- Pan-Fried Pork Chops = easy, made the meat lovers happy

- Sauteed Rainbow Swiss Chard.  There is no denying it I have a love for Swiss Chard, the beautiful colors the bitter, earthy flavor.   My favorite way to make it is to saute it with butter then when it starts to wilt add some garlic, a dash of salt, cover it to keep the juices in and then finish it with a squeeze of lemon.

- Roasted Butternut Squash Risotto which was a variation of Ina Garten's Saffron Risotto with Butternut Squash.  I eliminated the pancetta and substituted vegetable stock for the chicken stock for my veggie friend and didn't use saffron because I didn't have any.  Risotto is truly a perfect food to make when close friends visit, we chat, drink wine, they help by stirring and adding the stock.    The bonus was that Lucia absolutely loved the risotto, she ate every last bite.  A future foodie perhaps?


(via Food Network)

- Tomato and Beet Salad with Feta and Mint.  This is a really lovely summery salad.   I had initally planned on making a Beet Au Gratin but then while I was at the co-op I stumbled upon these perfect local, organic multicolored cherry tomatoes.  They were too lovely to pass up plus just looking at them I knew that they are only still available due to our unseasonably warm September so I knew that this would be my last chance for the taste of summer tomatoes.  The tomatoes made for such a beautiful colorful salad.  The salad is very simple, roast the beets, let them cool, then cut them into bite sized pieces, halve the tomatoes, throw in a bunch of chopped mint, a heavy amount of crumbled feta, season with salt, pepper and a drizzle of olive oil, toss gently.  See... super easy and super delish.

Saturday Dessert:

- Pear Galette with vanilla ice cream.  So I didn't go for the "Snickers Bars", I wanted something less complicated and more seasonal.  I made it easy on myself and used puff pastry instead of making my own crust, I know, I know making your own is so worth it and I usually do but I took the easy way out.  Either way I basically used this recipe.  It was soooo good.  It tasted like fall and it was Lucia's first time ever having dessert, she was a happy little chickadee. 


(via Food Network)

Sunday Breakfast:
- Basic breakfast sandwiches.  Good sourdough bread, thick-cut bacon (except for the veggie and the baby), an egg over-easy, spinach, butter and black pepper.  The perfect breakfast sandwich if you ask me. 

So that's it - that was my weekend.  Friends and food, what could be better?  How was your weekend?  Cook anything yummy? 

Preemptive Nostalgia

I wish someone would have told me that the months go by too fast, that she'd change so quickly, that I'd start to forget......how little she was, how she'd sleep all the time and fall into a milk coma after nursing, how she was so fuzzy when she was just born, how her tiny lips would form little "o's" and triangles, how she would sleep on his shoulder held up just by his forearm. 

I guess they did tell me but like everything in life I didn't really get it until now, until the time had already passed.  I see moms with their shiny new babies, sleeping peacefully in a room full of people, wrinkly with funny shaped heads and oh so tiny.  I want to tell them, it will go by so fast, they'll change so quickly.....  but I don't.  People have already told them that, I'm sure of it and I'm also sure that like me they won't truly get it until the time has passed. 

I took pictures of her laying in bed nursing the other day, he saw them and asked why, I started to tear up....because I'm so worried that I'll forget.  Sometimes the things that make me tremendously happy are same things that make me so incredibly sad because I just don't want to forget. 

This is my third post as a part of Just Write an exercise in free writing.  See my first post here.  See my second post here. 

Happy Monday!

What did ya'll do?  We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend and had the best time on Sunday at a local Balloon Festival.  We decided to go last minute and brave the 5am wake up to get there in time for the scheduled 6:30 launch.  Lucy slept the whole car ride and woke up happy as a clam when we got there - (thank goodness).  Unfortunately because of the fog no balloons were able to launch but it was still magical to see all these colorful balloons take over the skyline and Lucy was mesmerized.   Did you do anything unexpected over the weekend?

 

The best part....

The absolutely best part of my day lasts for about 15 minutes, it doesn't happen everyday, but the days that it does make me oh so happy. The days when my husband, Lucia and I have a couple of moments in bed playing. Esposo hiding from Lucia under the covers, she giggling like crazy when she finds him. Tickling. Blowing raspberries on her soft belly. Esposo gently kissing me on my forehead, Lucia looking on quizzically. Lucia giving us "kisses" (which are really little licks) on our cheeks. Me playing with Esposo's gorgeous dark hair. Lucia crawling, standing, tumbling. Her drooly smiles showing off her her two new teeth. Then suddenly time is up - back to laundry, cooking, showers, diaper changes, but those few moments are always the best part.

"Snickers" bars

I've been perusing the latest Bon Appetit brainstorming what to make for dinner guests next weekend and I think I've decided on the dessert, homemade "Snickers" bars. Don't they look amazing?  I can't stop drooling over them, I need them in my belly!

Fear

She woke me up at a happy time this morning, 7:15. Laying next to me babbling and holding her feet. I bring her close to me and nurse her knowing she last ate at 5 and is always ready to eat. We quietly get out bed trying not wake him. She's smiling, thrilled at the prospect of a new day. I unlock the door to the bedroom and bring her to her room to change her diaper and get her dressed for the day. She pees on the floor, I clean it up. I put her in her crib with a bunch of toys to entertain her while I shower before we head to the library. I leave the door open to the bathroom so that I can peek out at her from the shower. I put in the shampoo, peek out and call her name, she responds with a smile and a shriek. I duck back into the shower, rinse, put in conditioner. I peek out, but I don't see her. I strain to look out further, soaking the bathmat. I don't hear her. I call out to her, there is no response. I panic, my mind races with tragic scenarios.

Someone stole her, I tell myself as I rush to rinse out the conditioner. Someone came into the house during the night, waited for me to take a shower and took her.

I pause, don't be ridiculous I tell myself, she's in the corner of the crib you can't see from the shower, practicing her standing. Relax. She's fine.

Unable to convince myself I get out of the shower, cover myself with a towel and hurry into her room. She's fine. She's in the corner of the crib you can't see from the shower, practicing her standing. My whole body relaxes.

When did I become so afraid? It seems that fear has waxed and waned as a figment in my life. As a child I was never afraid of monsters, I was afraid of serial killers. In elementary school at the breakfast table I would first read the comics and "Dear Abby" and then the police blotter. I would follow national crimes in the newspaper on a daily basis. In the middle of the night if I heard a strange noise (or an ordinary noise like the heat turning on) I would tremble in my bed or if I was particularly scared I would call out to my mother although I don't think I ever actually told her what I was so scared of. I tend to have periods of time when I'm more scared than others usually when a big crime story was going on. As an adult living in the city I would arrive home by myself late at night and barely give it a second thought, I felt comfortable knowing that people were all around me. As a professional I have heard more stories of trauma than most people could stomach but I can't watch crime shows or hear about national crimes because they get my mind thinking and then I can't sleep. I convince my husband to sleep with the bedroom door locked. I'm suddenly back in a phase when I'm fearful a lot. It seems it has gotten worse again since she was born. I don't worry too much about things like germs or colds like most new moms do, that would be too rational. I worry about is her being killed or kidnapped, just writing that gives me a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach and quite honestly it makes me feel crazy.


This is my second post as a part of Just Write.

Lucy's Bedtime/Naptime Demands

- Mami & Papi's bed. No a crib just will not do. Please don't even try it, I can scream and cry way longer than you stand to listen to me. If you try to trick me by letting me fall asleep in Mami and Papi's bed and then move me to my crib, I will wake up, not immediately though I prefer to play tricks as well. My favorite is to let you think I'm sound asleep and then wake up screaming once you've settled comfortably on the couch, 15 minutes into Jersey Shore with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Frozen Yogurt. Once we've repeated this scenario in half-hour increments, you will give up and put me in my rightful spot in Mami & Papi's bed.
 
- Mami or Papi must be present....But really preferably Mami because I want her to nurse me to sleep.
 
- I must be touching/pinching some part of skin to fall asleep, I am impartial to any particular body part, elbow, chest, eyelid, lip, all will suffice.
 
- I will periodically check to make sure you're still there for the duration. If you decide that you urgently have to pee and get out of bed for 2.2 seconds to do so, I will wake up.
 
- If I wake up and you are doing something other than sleeping, i.e, listening to your iPod, texting, reading... I will refuse to sleep any longer and request that you forfeit all electronic devices or reading materials immediately. However if I do wake up and you appear to be sleeping I will check by pinching your face and neck, when you respond I will smile and return to my sleeping state.
 
- I like to sleep like a starfish, in the center of the bed.
 
- Lastly, if I can not get comfortable in the middle of the night I will act out ninja moves, interspersed with some pinching of random body parts and periodically press my face into your face.

I can't get this apple out of my head....

Seriously the most delicious candied apple ever (Leo & I split the toffee crunch one) and they do weddings too... wouldn't candied apples be the perfect favor for a fall wedding?

A Fall(ish) Weekend

Crisp air. Family. Pizza :). A hay ride. Carmel covered apples. And the coziest pants ever (I may need to get them in multiple colors).

JCrew

Day Trip

Its been pretty rainy lately and we've been feeling cooped up so the other weekend we headed to MASS MoCA - have you ever been?  The installations are amazing, it was such a great place to spend a rainy day.  It was also just so refreshing to do something new and different. It seems since Lucia was born we've said no to so many things and events, worried about her getting tired, or fussy, or crying in the car but now we've gotten to the point that we've simply accepted it.  She might cry or fuss in the car but we'll get through it, things might be more challenging sometimes or more fun.  In fact the trip to MASS MoCA was great, did she have a total meltdown for the entire ride home? Yup, she sure did.  Have we already forgotten about that by now? Yup, pretty much.

See Leo in the background with Lucia tucked into her Ergo?

Story time

(source)


We walked to story time today.  She snug in her carrier pressed against my chest, occasionally looking up at me and smiling.  I point out things to her as they pass....red truck, puerta azul, grass, arbol, un senor, un perrito, un pajaro....she looks at me blankly, staring in wonder at the leaves rustling in the warm September breeze. 


We pass the fire station, several firemen are outside cleaning one of the firetrucks.

I whisper to her in Spanish, "your great-grandpa was a fire chief".  I think of my grandfather, he died when I was 15.  I remember climbing on the trucks as a young child and cheering with pride when he would march pass in a parade, "that's my grandpa", I would say, "he's a firefighter". 

Back in high school a hippie friend and I went into a headshop and the owner told my friend about the amazing, colorful aura she could see around her.  When I asked about my aura, I was told that I don't have one.  The woman dressed in batik told me that I have a big old man who watches out for me and lets me go a little off track to learn but when I've gone too far off he pulls be back.  I think he's grandfather.  He watches me.  He watches my daughter.  I am grateful to know that he's there. 

I still wonder though, why don't I have an aura?  Was I not born with one?  Or did I somehow lose it along the way?  How do I go about acquiring an aura?  I think I'd like one. 

This post is linked up with Just Write an exercise in free writing.