I've been sitting here trying to write this post for almost an hour, I think that probably defeats the purpose of "just write" and so now with just three minutes left before my self-imposed bedtime, I'm throwing in the towel. I give up. I would love to write something meaningful about my day. Something that made this day, this Monday, different, meaningful, special... something small but something I can find significance in and today I can't.
What I can do is tell you is I talked to a friend while Lucy and I went for a long walk. We walked for an hour and a half. She babbled away in her stoller pausing only occasionally to exclaim "wow!" and point to the sky as a bird swoops by. I was on the phone. I feel guilty talking on the phone around my daughter, maybe that's strange, maybe not, but either way today I talked on the phone with my friend. A friend I don't get to talk to often because work, children and other responsibilities tend to overide seemingly less important things, like phone calls with friends.
She is having a hard time, life hasn't always been fair to her. She talks about feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and struggling to find meaning. She talks about being a mom, how wonderful it is, how hard it is.
I try to be reassuring but she says, "get the therapist off the phone, I want to talk to my friend". So I share my own experiences, the hard parts. I hardly ever tell anyone about the hard parts, not my closest friends, not my family, not anyone. I hold the hard parts in, sometimes I think if I just hold them in long enough, they'll just disappear, but today, I don't know why... I exhaled.
Well maybe not completely, but a little bit. I told her my regrets, my fears. Then we talked about the good parts, the cuteness, the silly parts, the total awe, it felt good. It felt good to talk about the good parts... and the bad parts. To feel heard.
Linking up with Just Write.